Just yesterday I tried on a romper at H&M from a collection dubbed "I <3 Coachella". I don't even understand what a Coachella is. Is it like a Tamagotchi? Because I had one of those, it was my first pet, so I get it. I have asked multiple young people what it is, and they don't seem to want to tell me. I assume it has something to do with music, drugs, and being super slutty, because this romper had fringe sleeves and a V-neck so deep it BASICALLY went down to my vagina...I didn't buy it, but who knows what I will do/buy as 30 creeps up on me.
I am both satisfied and disappointed with my life at 29.75. In most ways, it isn't at all what I thought it would be. I am, however, at peace with that; since my 18 year old expectations of 30 were insanely unrealistic. I pretty much visualized myself 13 Going on 30-ing the shit out of life- being super successful yet playful, living in a city, having a high stress job but being stress free, being sexy and skinny because I was capable of practicing so much self control...
Let's talk about that self control for a moment. Right now, as I write this, I am sitting in my bed with my bra unhooked, but not off, because I am, essentially, too lazy to take off my sweater to pull my bra through my T-shirt sleeves. I am eating chips and looking down at my pillow to see at least 3 crumbs from 3 separate get-into-my-mouth fails. I say "pillow" because I just woke up from taking a 2 hour nap in the middle of the day on a Thursday. My clean laundry is, as always, sitting in a basket next to the bed collecting wrinkles. It has been loitering there for 3 days now.
Throughout the past couple years, I have tried and failed at many grown up things. I have tried properly dieting and paying for diet programs. A few months ago I ate 26 "points" worth of Honey Nut Cheerios while on Weight Watchers. So...win. I have tried saving money, but it seriously isn't my fault that I work so close to clothing stores. Further more, no matter how hard I try, or what I do, there are still bobby-pins all over the house. And, for whatever reason, Netflix is addicted to me and won't leave me alone and there is nothing that can be done.
That being said, I am SO busy dealing with Netflix that I don't have time to think about the future. So, if everyone could stop asking me when I am going to have a baby, that would be great. I will have a baby when I can take care of it by watching it on Netflix. I will have a baby when there is more than $100 in my bank account. I will have a baby when my husband can push it out of his penis hole. I will have a baby when I stop trying on vagina-rompers, because, really, trying on that romper shouldn't have even appealed to me in the first place...I am really worried about the romper thing.
There is, however, a list of things I AM proud of at 29.75.
1. I met the person I will share my life with
2. I have a dog, and it isn't just the "family dog" that I am claiming as my own.
3. I don't call out sick from work every week.
4. I am no longer dancing with alcoholism...right? I mean...right?
5. I stopped the OUTRAGEOUS trend young people/students have of wearing the new season of clothes way before the current season has ended. (sweatin' it out in new Fall sweaters when it is still 85 degrees out, anyone?)
6. I now own realistic and comfortable underwear.
So, there are those things. At least I have the granny panties to show for it all...I am really looking forward to 30...
LD
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