The Tween Years

I'm too old for school, and I'm really not talking about my age. My age is actually in an awkward stage. I am definitely on the youngish side of being a teacher. If I worked as a regular teacher in a public school, I would still be in the blissful pre-tenure time when I still cared about my students. It would be an amazing time when my student's passing scores weren't just bonus checks; and I would probably be the head of some extra-curricular activity..for FREE. If a student had a problem, she could come to me because, as far as her little tween mind could tell, I was still young enough to get my period. Teachers' best works are done in/around my current age bracket.
However, I do not work at a regular public school, and I am not a normal 27 year old. I am the 27 year old teacher that has already forgotten "what it's like". I have no recollection of what it feels like to be a tween, and I have 2 major theories as to why.

Theory 1:
This is by far the worst, and probably most accurate, of my theories. This theory hypothesizes that my tween years were so awful and humiliating that I have literally scratched them from my memory. If someone "Total Recalled" me, I would only remember fierce acne, greasy hair, Disney characters, and zero boyfriends. Instead of being the cool guy from the movie, Total Recall, that wakes up and is all the sudden this bad-ass killing machine agent, I would wake up and cry in a corner.
My tween years weren't my finest. I remember once when I attended one of the many middle school dances. Everything was going pretty normally, I was outside in the hallway, avoiding the gym-turned-dance-floor, eating airheads and drinking coke; when, suddenly, I was feeling brave. So brave, in fact, that I asked my friend to ask a boy if he would dance with me. I don't remember what friend was stupid enough to take my sugar-high as actual logic, but she did it. After a minute or two of INTENSE waiting and anxiety, she came back and told me that he said "yes". YES! I was so excited that I couldn't eat or drink any more sugar. So there I was, prepping myself for a beautiful romantic slow dance to "my heart will go on" when, only moments later, one of his messengers came to me. His lackey said, and I quote, "Laura, he can't dance with you because someone he actually likes asked him"........
.......ya. That happened.

Then there was another time when I went up to a boy's locker and told him that I liked him. I didn't get the response I was hoping for. In fact, I didn't get a response at all. Actually, he didn't even look at me. He just closed his locker and walked away. I spent the rest of the day wondering if I was dead and just didn't know it.

(FYI, I finally hooked up with him in my "free spirited" young 20's. Take that puberty)

Theory 2:
Kids these days are simply unrelatable. I'm sorry. I am not trying to sound older than I am, but come on. I just can't relate to a bunch of 13 year old girls saying:
"OMG, there is no wi-fi in here?!",
"OMG did you see that pic that Kara retweeted of Mindy's nose job?!",
"Seriously if my mom doesn't take me to get the new Iphone5 today I am going to kill myself" or
"I'm pregnant but like, whatever, I will probably be on Teen Mom now. No bigs".



Ok, Fine. Not all teenagers are like that. But here are the conversations I had when I was 13:

"Mom, can I sleep over at Jenna's? Her mom is ordering Pizza!"
"Mom, can I PLEASE have new stickers for my sticker collection? I can't be the ONLY one with nothing new to trade!"
"Dear Diary: today a girl made fun of my Liza Frank folder. She is SO mean. Also, today a boy looked at me. Well, not at ME, but at the girl behind me. It really felt like he was looking at me though, and for a moment I knew what it was like to have a boy's attention. Big things are happening, Diary. Big things."

...and NO teenagers are like that anymore.


LD