Vegan for a Week

Last night, while I was lying in pain because my stomach hates me, I decided that a dietary change was in order. It is ridiculous that, at 27, I still get sick from over-eating or making bad food choices. I like to think that this stems from the fact that, when I was a child, I was on very strict restrictions. My mother hardly ever let me have treats. Worse, there was rarely any of the good stuff in the house, so I couldn't even sneak it! My brother and I could only have soda every so often, and it was always kept in the basement because my mom knew I was too scared to go down there alone to get it. My childhood was amazing but it was also a Junk-Food Prison (capitalized because I am 32% sure that it's a real place).

Am I saying that my 2-day-long-stomach-illness is my Mother's fault? Am I saying that everything that happens to me today can be linked, somehow, to how I was raised? Of course not, I don't play the victim in my own life...
However, that being said, yes- I do believe this is her fault.

So here I am, in stomach pain agony because my mom kept the soda in a scary place 15-20 years ago. As a result of this illness, for which I am the victim, I decided to try to be a vegan for a week. Yes. You read it right. A vegan. Me.

Take a moment to let this marinate.

Now that we all have our heads wrapped around this, I would like to make something perfectly clear. I decided to try to be vegan BEFORE I saw the article on Buzzfeed. I didn't even know there was an article about trying to be a vegan on Buzzfeed until one of my roommates made fun of me. So please don't sit there and accuse me of hopping on the bandwagon of someone else's blog.
However, that being said, Yes- I did read the article on Buzzfeed.

Thinking about veganism, at it's most basic root, really doesn't seem so bad. When you think about it for the first time, you think to yourself, "Ok. No meat. No eggs. No diary. I got it." BUT when you think about it a little more..for like...even 5 seconds more, you begin to realize what that REALLY means. It means no ice cream, no chicken fingers, no pizza, no low-quality candy bars, no more hunting entire families of deer and eating them all in one day. I can hardly go on with this list.

Yes, this is going to be hard. But now, I have to decide exactly what level of obnoxious I am going to bring this to. One of my Besties is a vegan, and she is really really good at it (not to brag); so I know, first hand, that the more obnoxious you are about what you will/will not eat, the better vegan you are. Simply no meat, eggs, or diary is child play for her. She takes it to a really high level. But what about me? I don't think I am ready to stop drinking beer because it is filtered in eggshells, or to stop eating chicken strips because they are made from chickens.

I really need to take this slow. I am banning meat, diary, and eggs from my diet for 1 week (at least). I won't eat anymore Fluff (RIP my late night snack of peanut butter and fluff on a spoon), but I MIGHT still have honey. Bees have no soul.

I am still going to wear my leather jacket, boots, and bags because I already bought them. The cow is dead, let's honor him.
Plus I said I am going to eat vegan, not think like a vegan. As soon as I start doing that I am going to take on all the problems of the world. It starts with animals, then it goes to pollution and global warming, and before I know it I am standing on a busy sidewalk holding up signs and making everyone's life hell. I have seen it a thousand times. Sure, not all vegan-thinking people are like this. I have met plenty of vegans that I don't want to throw off the top of a mountain, but I can't take that chance here.


Now, I know what you are all wondering, how long have you been vegan for? Well, if you count the time I was asleep, I have been a vegan for about 15 hours and 12 minutes. I am pretty proud of it.

I guess, in conclusion, all I can really say is this- I am really fucking happy Microwave popcorn uses fake chemical butter instead of the real kind.