A year or two ago, for some crazy-ass reason, not 1 person-but 2 people- bought me The Brave Little Toaster for my birthday. One was bought by a life-long best friend, and the other by my mom. I don't know why, maybe they thought it was cute. I guess they didn't get the memo that the only time gifts like that are cute is if the receiver is rich and already has everything in the entire universe. It would been cuter if said best friend wrote up a contract promising to pay off all my student loans, or if my mom bought me an apartment. Or vice-verse. I'm not picky.
Regardless, I obviously had to watch it. So, one day I got myself really psyched up and played The Brave Little Toaster on DVD, which was already a step up from VHS. In the beginning, things were going great; I was getting reacquainted with my long-lost pal "Blankie" (for whom I always had a soft spot), and re-energizing the negative feelings I once felt towards that grumpy old air-conditioner.
However, when my favorite Disney appliances started singing in their high-pitched appliance-sy voices, I had to call it quits. I believe it is OK to want to watch something that throws you back to childhood, but toddler movies are a little too far back. Even for me. As a born-in-1985-but-still-21 year old.
However, The Brave Little Toaster did get me thinking. As an adult, I wonder about the people that make this ridiculous shit. I mean, it is culturally known that it is only OK for kids to watch it, but who are the creeps that make it? I don't know. I don't think knowing them would be a treat. I think knowing them would be a lot like meeting Kip from Napelon Dynamite...or Pedro..or any of them, really. I think meeting the creators of the Telletubbies would be really uncomfortable. Honestly, I don't even know why I am saying that- OBVIOUSLY it would be uncomfortable.
Clearly, not all cartoon creators are possible hard criminals. I happen to think that the creators of real kid cartoons would be a pleasure.
But, what is a "real cartoon", you ask? Don't be so naive. Everyone knows the answer to that. A real cartoon is anything on Nickelodeon circa 1990-1999. Rug Rats, Doug, Rocco's Modern Life, Inspector Gadget, Hey Arnold, The Angry Beavers, and- Ahhh! Real Monsters.
As an adult, I still have a personal relationship to these shows because I feel like the creators are my age. I can just picture a bunch of 20-somethings taking their personal experiences and creatively putting them into their cartoon characters.
Take "ahhhh! Real Monsters" for example. I have a theory that each monster represents a part of their difficult 20's that they wanted to defeat through art. For example, and I am really just spit-balling here...
Ickis probably represents the uncertainty of the future. He was the main character, and the future is every 20-somethings main fear.
Oblina, as the woman, she obviously represents the obsession with thinness (she is literally as small as a worm, and her eyes and lips are bigger than her face. Def the Calvin Klein model of cartoon characters). She also represents the ticking of the 20-something woman's biological clock. And, because of all this pent up anxiety, that petite thing can flip a switch in seconds and become the scariest raging bitch you have ever seen.
Krumm clearly represents the fear of being a total loser. Just look at him. He has horrible B.O, he's fat, and has absolutely no game. He just screams "I am the monster version of the unhealthy guy that lives in his mother's basement, pops his zits because he likes the white gooey stuff (ew), and still drinks kool-aid"
Mr. Grumble. Where do I even begin with Mr. Grumble? He represents all the confusion that is your 20's. His outlet is obviously sexual confusion- dressing in red high heels; and does he...does he have a toe-nail nose that he painted red to match his heels? He does. He is also emotionally confused. He is very hard and rude, but sometimes becomes upset when no one likes him. Does that sound familiar to you? Someone walking around with a red-painted-toe-nail nose with a chip on their shoulder? I have seen it a thousand times.
What would YOUR aaahhh! Real Monster look like?
Mine would be the old lady from Monster's Inc., since I am terrified of being wrinkly and even more scared of having a desk job.
From the Left we have Mr. Grumble, Ickis, Krumm, and Oblina.
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