Now, I have had my fair share of dirty bathrooms. I once had to change my tampon in a pee-ing trough on my 12 hour night bus journey from Zhuhai China to Qualin. Another time I was so drunk that I tripped and broke my heel in one of the infamous "in ground" toilets of a Chinese nightclub. How do you think I explained that to the shoe repair guy? That's right. I didn't.
So, yes. I have had bad bathroom experiences. Anything from no TP to no soap to breaking my shoe in the toilet. But there was just something really annoying about this experience. I couldn't fathom why a bathrooms in an army base didn't have any TP, and only had dish soap to wash your hands. I can't explain why I hated it more than the Pee-trough of 2010, I just did. I expected more from a government funded army base I guess. And, not to be disgusting, but the food was terrible and men shit all the time as it is- there is no way I was the first person that ever needed TP and a clean toilet seat. Get it together, IDF.
After that fiasco, we made our way back to our work station. This time we were allowed to walk, which is unfortunate for me because that is how I got attached by a merciless thorn bush. That bad boy dug right through my 2 pairs of leggings and right into my skin. When an IDF thorn bush attacks, it aims to kill. That SOB was stuck to me like a leech and half of my fellow "soldiers" kept walking! Thank God for the few people that believed no solider should be left behind, they helped me escape to freedom.
Once I finally hobbled down to our location, we received our uniforms. They were gross and they were supposed to be awesome. Everyone knows that the only reason I went was so that I could wear the uniform, and they really fucked that shit up for me.
Ok, we are going to pick up the pace here. There is just too much to tell in great humorous detail and not enough time in the world, so here is the run-down of the next day and 1/2...
Without sounding too vague, here is everything that went wrong. We had no work to do, we worked maybe 3 hours out of a 7 hour day. We didn't have any sleeping arrangements, so we had to sleep in the soldier's beds that weren't there that night (which was weird because their room mates were there). It was raining and freezing. Once we were finally given beds, they were in these outside camp-like-shacks with no heat or bathroom, and the beds were wet because the roof was leaking. Our toddler yelled at us the whole time. We waited around non-stop for our group leader to tell us what to do- we did this from 7:45AM until about 9PM, and we must have spent 6 hours a day waiting in total.
One night it was raining and we felt like we didn't have anywhere we could go. And that was when we decided enough was enough. So, I called our program and told them the situation and that we were leaving. He said that our "integrity" should keep us there and he was unhappy to hear that we would leave (which I get). He must have called the 19 year old to let her know because only moments later she showed up in all her PMS fiery and shouted "WHO IS LAURA?!". So then I had to argue with her for the next 3 minutes. Which really wasn't hard, but it was a thing I had to do- and I hate those.
At the end of the day, here is what happened. I Googled "how to escape from a military base" but only found solutions to do it in video games. My friend, I won't use her REAL name, so I will call her Elle, said that we could poison ourselves if we wanted to escape- but we didn't have any chalk.
Regardless, 5 of us decided we were leaving and we made our Tween cry. Our bad. The scrunchie that broke the tween's back was that only 4 people showed up to her night activity, even though she had told us it was optional only an hour earlier. Typical teenager stuff.
There is so much more I could say about this experience, but it is time to move on. I handed in my uniform, and this chapter of my life is closing forever.
I will never be the army. The fuck-face soldier that told me I was too old was right. He asked my my age, and then he said I was "too old", and I said "when you are the same age as me (24) you are going to regret saying that". And he said "No. You are not too old, but you are too old for this". And, he was right. I am way too old to be put in a ridiculous situation and stay. I have tested my "integrity" over the years enough to know that I have nothing to prove to myself. I once broke my heel in a toilet. I don't have integrity. And you know what? Not having integrity felt really good when I was home in my warm bed, drinking wine and eating real food.
This is who I am.
Love me for me,
LD
Your friend Elle sounds like a wise sage.
ReplyDelete