I am like most people. I often try to define myself through what I think I would do under awesome/unlikely circumstances. "Hey self," I would ask me "What would you do if you had 2 weeks off? And you didn't have to worry about anything because, after those 2 weeks, you would go back to a better paying job. And for those 2 weeks, you had no responsibilities besides your dog. And all the free time in the world." hmmm. what a great and not specific at all question. Well, I know what type of person I am. I am an adventurous, healthy, outgoing extrovert. I would probably do something adventurous and extrovert-y. I replied to me.
Maybe I would go visit some friends in far off places, or even not that far off places.
Maybe I would spend the entire time getting really fit and finally lose 10 pounds. My gym would give me an award.
Maybe I would travel around Boston and find all the places that I don't know about yet. It shouldn't be hard to learn about new places since I, basically, know as much as a 10 year old tourist that comes to Boston for 3 days and obliviously follows around her mom.
I would definitely discover a new hobby! There are so many things I want to be good at- guitar, cooking, being alive.
In this hypothetical situation, the possibilities are endless! I felt powerful and better about myself just thinking about it!!!
Today, sadly, I have been hit with a hard dose of reality when I woke up, on my final day of a real 2 week vacation, and looked back on what I had accomplished.
Monday 12/23: I wrapped Christmas gifts and watched 2 Christmas movies. I probably walked my dog and ate food that I didn't cook myself. I think I drove to Whole Foods. And I anticipated Christmas.
Tuesday 12/24: I wrapped all my boyfriend's Christmas gifts for him so I could relive the previous day. The only difference was that I didn't leave the house to go to whole foods and I watched different Christmas movies. And continued to anticipate Christmas.
Wednesday 12/25: I enjoyed Christmas.
Thursday 12/26: I cleaned the apartment, I think. And basked in the post Christmas glory. I did laundry, but accidentally left it in the washing machine for 4 hours.
Friday 12/27: I continued to bask in the post Christmas glory. It was Friday, Why change it up now? In my defense, I went into work that day.
I basically spent an entire week thinking about Christmas.
Saturday and Sunday 12/28- 12/29 were probably my most productive days because I didn't want my future husband to see how pathetic I was.
Monday 12/30: I spent the day exhausted from a weekend of doing things. And began to anticipate New Years.
Tuesday 12/31: I went into work. I worked for 4 hours and could have stayed out to walk around Boston, but I missed my dog a lot. It was that day that I realized I had gotten a little too attached to him.
Wednesday 1/1: It was New Years. I saw Anchorman 2. It was stupid. Luckily, all I had to do was sit there and watch it. It was like being at home with better popcorn.
Thursday 1/2: There was a snowstorm. Are you telling me I should have left the house in a snowstorm? Priorities. I cleaned the bathroom through..kind of.
And today is Friday. It's 8:30. I, for the 5th time in these 2 weeks, rejected waking up at 6:00 to go the gym with my boyfriend. I haven't been to the gym for 3 weeks now. I took my dog out into our backyard and watched him go to the bathroom in snow up to his belly. I told myself I would shovel a path for him later, but I am not going to do that. It seems like a lot of work. He likes the snow anyway! He isn't a small dog, I can't coddle him, right? Marco will be home by 2PM today. I am terrified of the things I need to get done before then, to ensure he never figures out how lazy I am.
There are, however, a few things I accomplished that I didn't mention. I made a lot of phone calls to prepare for my wedding; and sat around waiting for those people to call me back. No, I literally sat starring at my phone, waiting for them to call me back. I also pet my dog a lot. A lot of petting. I checked the mail at least every other day- nearly doubling the usual amount of times I check it. I cooked 1 meal that I can say I am proud of, that didn't require a microwave. The accomplishments go on, but I am not trying to brag.
So, that is how I spent an entire 2 weeks off. Having the same life and daily routine as my dog. Apparently, I am a lazy as fuck introvert that likes to stay inside all day, and has a powerful computer addiction. I did, sometimes, manage to enjoy nature every time I looked out the window or glimpsed at our dying Christmas tree.
God, it all sounds so much worse in writing... Fuck you, self. You are so an exciting adventurous extrovert! You are just exhausted! You needed a break from all the extroverting you have been doing for the past 28 years! There is no shame in that!
And just like that, after this entire 2 weeks of working on a couch-dent in the shape of my ass, I still believe I am an exciting person. And the cycle of lies I tell myself continues.
LD
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