No Regrets

A few months ago, I was at a tattoo shop, where an artist gave me the opportunity to cover one of my many mistakes. I was happy that he said he could cover my 12 year old crab tattoo, that I got when I was  17- before I knew that I would OBVIOUSLY get over the color red and zodiac signs, and before I knew very much about the crabs more popular association with STDs. The fact that I didn't know about crabs as an STD at age 17 is an entirely separate issue.

While I was hanging out in the waiting room, a very stereotypical bitch boy walked in. You know the ones. White male; between 5'6" and 5'9"; super skinny with a beer belly and slight arm definition created only from super skinniness; wearing excessively baggy clothes, yet still has a belt on, however, when it comes to his stained white tank top, he suddenly understands he is an extra small; a hat supporting a team of a state he isn't from and has probably never been to, with the sticker still on it so everyone knows it's authentic, whatever that even means; red boxers incredibly visible thanks to his pant placement; and tattoos that can only be defined as completely terrible and probably done with a pen, in Juvy..for using/selling crack because he isn't classy enough for cocaine. And he loves 40's of beer. And probably hates women. And has a flip phone. And listens to Ja-Rule...still...and actually likes his voice.

Anyway, he walked in. A tattoo artist approached him and asked him what he wanted. I was all ears, super excited for his response, especially since he had just looked at me with intense hate- probably because I am a woman or because my phone doesn't flip. He said he wanted a tattoo across his collarbone that said "No regrets"; and it honestly took every single ounce of will power to not burst out laughing. I just had so many comments and questions:

"No regrets, huh? Well this will be your first"
"What? Why?"
"Don't you regret the prison and the crack?"
"Are you looking forward to a continued future of regret?"
"How much regret does someone need to have in order to WANT that tattooed in their collarbone?"
"Who made you this way?"
"How many jobs DON'T you have?"
"On a scale of 1-murder, how guilty do you feel about something you have done?"
"What color and font are you hoping for? Let me guess- black with the same font style as "Young Jeezy- I Luv it" album cover."

This fool had me thinking about regrets; and yes, I regret some stuff. The thing I regret most is deleting my first blog "Lemon Drops of Wisdom"; and it led me to feel the need to continue on with this blog. Because I can't live inside the constant reminders of my old blog (Thank you, Time Hop...jerk). And I realized, that just because I am getting married in 2 weeks doesn't mean I have to stop hating everything and everyone. It just means I have someone to hate it all with.

I know some of you may be thinking that this is an overly judgmental post. However, if you had seen this guy, you would be creeped out by the accuracy in which I portrayed him. Like some type of magic trick..and you would ask me to entertain at your future kid's birthday parties.

You're welcome for this,

LD