Have you ever seen a therapist, like up close? Of course you have, why would I even ask that? Everyone has at least once; unless they are 10 years old, or dead, or from the country of Not America. That is like asking if you have ever seen a trained dog. It is more likely that you have seen a therapist in his/her natural habitat- a cold office and uncomfortable chair- than out in the wild. Of course if you had seen one in the wild, you wouldn't know, since they camouflage themselves, like stick insects, to blend into their environment.
Therapists are magnificent beings, especially when you are young and stupid. If you are fortunate enough to see one as a teenager, it can really change your life. You are basically an adult, but you still have a vast amount of imagination- especially when thinking about your own future. When you're young, you are capable of dreaming up scenarios in which you are a really rich person with free time, or a mother with no stretch marks. This is a very special time to see a therapist. Imagine seeing a unicorn at that time in your life? Imagine how much differently you would see the world; and how much differently the world would see you, once you tried to tell people about said unicorn. Seeing a therapist is like that.
I realize that, as an adult, you may not see the correlation between a real human therapist and a not-real-at-fucking-all unicorn. I can honestly respect that. However, think back to when you were young- what did you think a therapist was? You conjured up ideas of a very well put together human being. A person that never questioned anything they had ever done. A person that made nothing but right choices and, for a price, they could teach you how to do that too. A person who doesn't judge you, someone that doesn't even know how to judge you. Someone that was born to be a therapist- a person that came out of the womb giving advice. Kind of sounds like a unicorn now, huh? Maybe even more fictional now?
I was one of those lucky teens that got the opportunity to see a therapist. When I was around seventeen I was blessed with the development of a random OCD anxiety disorder. One day I was fine, and the next day I was checking to make sure my straightener was off 17 times before I left for school. It was all downhill from there.
When my mother finally decided she had had enough of me staring at empty outlets to make sure nothing was plugged in, she made me an appointment with a counselor. When I went into her office, I felt very much like I was meeting a unicorn for the first time. "I going to be face-to-face with a mind wizard who will help me with all my problems through wizardry", I told myself as I filled out my insurance information.
That was my experience from start to finish. Throughout the entire year of weekly visits, I never took off my wizard goggles. So, to no surprise, I never questioned any of her methods. Ignorance and open mindedness is such a beautiful time in your life.
Now, 10 years later, I have begun to revisit therapy. Only this time, I am older, experienced, and overly cynical. This time, I understand that I am sitting face to face with a person of my caliber. I understand that, no matter how educated and experienced they may be, I am only sitting across from a total stranger and allowing them to judge me and everyone I talk about.
She spent our entire first session asking me "getting to know you" questions that can only be labeled as invasive and/or completely irrelevant. She asked me, for example, "when you were a child, how did your mother/father handle anger?"....uhm, is that really something I am supposed to specifically remember? Should I have a prepared answer for that?
The worst part is, I answered her. This action shielded her off from who I really am, because the real me would say- "that is completely irreverent and I hate you already".
Now, she thinks I am someone that I am not. Someone corporative, maybe. Or, worse, someone that wants a total stranger digging around in my past. And now, I have to spend our entire next session "fixing" this. I have to tell her that I don't want to spend anymore time or money talking about anything that happened before 2004- when I officially discovered alcohol and promiscuity. Or, even better, I don't want to discuss anything past 2009- when I graduated college and got lost in the abyss of real life for approximately....5 years.
The point is, I have no faith in her. If she were a wizard, I could get on board with that. I would even take a gnome.
LD
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