Sometimes in life, certain things happen that, if you pay attention, help explain who you are. Everyone, including me, is always saying that they don't have a good idea of who they are, but that is because we aren't paying attention. Take, for instance, the fact that I went onto Facebook today. That says I am interested in other people's lives and/or enjoy looking at myself in the Internet mirror. When I was on Facebook I scrolled my newsfeed and saw a link to a news anchor "bitching out" the Boston bomber for having the audacity to complain about his prison conditions. I really enjoyed this female anchor's sarcasm and demeaning tone; I felt like she was an older version of myself that actually cared about things. So, I shared it on my wall. Seconds later, and I do mean seconds, I saw another link to "20 ecstatic shelter dogs on their way home for the first time". I immediately deleted my previous share, and shared the dog one instead. Now, in any other moment, this wouldn't be a big deal- just another mindless decision. However, after the fact, I took some time to figure out what it all meant. Here is what I discovered.
1. I hate clutter. I can't have too many links floating on my Facebook page, I'm not the New York Times. It isn't my job to give everyone the important news on why the Boston bomber feels victimized, or why the world is sexist. It is my job to share cute dogs being in cars.
2. I don't want to have too many links on my page. Sooner or later, people would start associating me with political opinions. I only like to be associated day to day opinions. Like, "Oh, I know Laura will talk about how much everyone hates homeless people" or "I know I can go to Laura to talk about how annoying the laundromat is". I don't want to become the serious topic go-to person. I don't want: "I know I can talk to Laura about equal rights" or "I know Laura has feelings about things". No, I don't have feelings about things. And I never want to be part of a conversation about things and how I feel about them. I remember being a child at a grown up party and listening to all the old people talk about the world as if that conversation was going to help anyone. I'm not into it. Just give me some wine and some pictures of cute animals in cars, thank you.
3. I don't ever want to be "link girl". The girl that posts nothing but links. Here is a list of all the other Facebook alter-egos I hope to never obtain (although I know I have flirted with a few of them)
A. Quote Girl. We get it, quote girl, people said smart stuff once.
B. Baby Girl. Give me a break. That new bib does not make him/her cuter than before; or, in my eyes, less offensive than before.
C. Relationship Girl. Really? Is that all you do? Be in a relationship? (I've done this before, and I wish I had had someone like myself at the time to let me know that everyone hated me.)
D. Selfy Girl. Yup. It's understood. If you take 399 pictures of yourself at multiple different angles in an assortment of different lighting, you are bound to look attractive.
E. Feel Bad for Me Girl. Holy shit, ass hole, we all have bad days. Do you really think that anyone over the age of 17 is going to coddle you via Facebook comment?! Plus, everyone over 6 knows that if you were really having a terrible day/life you wouldn't advertise it. Failing is embarrassing.
On the contrary, it is not OK to be this either..
B. What a Life Girl. People who want to make everyone feel unfilled by completely exaggerating how amazing their own life is. I remember when I lived in Israel and our group would go play in a sandbox behind a school and someone would post "OMG! The desert is so amazing! Once in a life time experience!" Or when all 50 0f us would go on an actual desert hike, with 2 tour guides and 5 group leaders carrying packed lunches, and someone would post "Adventure of a life time! YOLO!".. Really? In your ideal 'adventure of a life time', someone is behind you carrying 50 juice boxes? And, I don't think people that actually do awesome stuff say "YOLO". I think that people say "YOLO" when they are about to do something completely ordinary and want to make a joke about how ordinary it is. Like "Time to go to work and then go for an after work drink with my friend! YOLO!" or "Cleaning the sink! YOLO!"
However, there are some alter-egos I would like to fill. For example, I do want to be..
A. Dog Girl. Everyone loves a good picture of a dog. Unlike babies, which everyone hates.
B. Blog Girl. I want to be the girl with the blog. I hesitate to say "funny blog" because I don't want to aim too high and then disappoint myself. Being a girl with a blog is just a fact…so…good luck pissing all over that.
LD
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