So, I recently got engaged. I had all of these great blog ideas, but then I up and got engaged; and, honestly, I don't know how to blog about that, yet I know I have to. I should read blogs about engagements, not write them. I am, already, in the process of being the worst fiancé of all time. For example, I have no idea how to prepare for a wedding. Sometimes, I don't even think I know what a wedding is. Like, what do I do? Can I just give everyone chicken fingers and cupcakes? Can I wear my prom dress? Can I have a celebrity guest? Does my fiancé have to be there? Maybe for my wedding I will just hang out with my friends and watch movies. I have no idea. And being engaged is no easy task either. Like, do you always wear your engagement ring? Can I wear it when I shower? Work out? Go in a fire pit? Roll in the snow? Also, I stress eat. So the more stressful this thing becomes, the fatter I will be for my own wedding. That is a guarantee.
I have been engaged for 3 and 1/2 days and I already have so many things to discuss. Firstly, my "now fiancé"'s mother wants to throw us an engagement party. I think that is going to be awesome, but, what do I wear? Because if anyone looks nicer than me I am probably going to torch their clothes, pop their tires, and then make them walk home. Yet, I don't want to be overdressed. But, at the same time, if I am the "guest of honor" and I am "overdressed" it really just makes everyone else "underdressed", right? Also, do you bring anything to your own engagement party? Maybe I can BridesMaids it up and bring everyone a puppy. I will probably do that. However, now that Facebook plays such a huge part in everyone's lives, and even mom-aged people have it, what is the point of an engagement party? Didn't I have an internet engagement party when I changed my Facebook status? (just kidding, I obviously want a million parties in my honor bimonthly for the rest of my life).
Speaking of Facebook, and I am not trying to be a bitch, but I am ready to de-friend anyone that didn't congratulate me. It's not because I am arrogant and/or think I am so important that everyone should stop their lives to say something. It doesn't matter to me how many people did or didn't say anything. It is more the principle. It is more that, if you aren't going to say something when another person gets engaged,has a baby, gets married, graduates, wins the lottery, whatever, then what the fuck are you even doing? For what reason on this planet would you still be internet friends with that human? Because one time 3 years ago they commented on your status about the difference between cumulinibus and nimbostratus clouds, and it made you feel smart? Let it go. No one cares about the difference between those 2 things. Or maybe you are still friend with them because of your fear of being left out? Dude, they didn't say anything about your major life event, consider yourself officially left out.
My BF was so happy when our engagement picture received 60 likes; and I thought, "60? Between the two of us we have approximately 4 billion friends on this social network. So…let's rethink this".
I am pretty sure that any Facebook friend I have that didn't, at least, "like" my status update only uses Facebook to make fun of me in some way. Being unwilling to take the time to hit the "like" button when you see a big event like that pop up on your newsfeed is really, whether people know it or not, a huge "Fuck you" to that person. I mean, you have to go OUT OF YOUR WAY to ignore something like that. As if the person is saying "Oh, ya. Laura. I remember her…what? She is engaged?! How is that possible? She is terrible, and I hate her, and I talk about her behind her back all the time. And she is short. And not that put together. There is no way in hell I am liking that. As a matter of fact, I am going to take double the time it would take to "like" this, and go ahead and "hide" anything Laura-related from my newsfeed".
I mean, come on, seems like a pretty bad Facebook friend, right? Even your Facebook friends should live up to some type of standards.
All I am saying is, I at least "like" everyone's major life events, even when I don't care AT ALL.
LD
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